Sentimentality and Grieving the Loss of Your Pet

Last semester I took a poetry class in which we discussed the meaning of sentimentality--not seeing something for what it really is, or not acknowledging all aspects of something (like the positive AND the negative). Not one thing in this world is only one thing--it is never only this or only that. All things are multi-faceted, and we would be sentimentalizing something if we failed to recognize this. The example my poetry professor gave my class was that she loves children, but she would be sentimentalizing children if she were to say that they are always wonderful and do no wrong.

I remember my professor saying it is incredibly challenging to write a poem about children or animals without being sentimental. In the case of animals, we might place too much value on them or speak of them as though they are humans. Maybe it has become cliché to write about our pets (even if we do acknowledge the negative), but either way, I don't think we are placing too much value on them.

The issue of sentimentality and animals makes me think of my childhood cat, Woody. When my family decided to put him to sleep so he would no longer be in pain, some might say I acted sentimentally. (I cried the entire day). But when we lose our pet, it is like losing a family member or close friend because that is what they become to us. And I don't think there is anything sentimental or un-acknowledging about that.

I grew up with Woody; he was with my family since I was six--so when he was gone, it was strange and sad. It just seemed wrong for him not to be laying in his favorite rocking chair in the family room watching TV with us. I felt like I had lost my best friend. Throughout my teenage years, no matter what dramatic thing was going on in my life, I always had him to come home to.


Since I remember what it's like to lose a cat, I wanted to share these ideas for dealing with the loss of your pet:

1. Write a Letter--When I lost Woody, I remember feeling like he somehow knew how much my family loved him. But it can help to get all your thoughts onto paper, to tell your animal how much they mean to you. Don't feel silly; it's a great way to get it all out and feel closure.

2. Let Yourself Feel--Everyone deals with a loss in a different way. Don't stop yourself from feeling whatever you feel. It's not stupid to cry or feel sad.

3. Remind Yourself of the Good Things--As time goes on, every time you begin to feel upset about your loss, remind yourself that you gave your kitty a good home. If you had never adopted your cat and brought him or her into your home, there's a possibility they never would have found a forever home. Appreciate the time you got to share with them.

4. Remember Your Kitty--Don't be afraid to talk about your kitty once in a while, or remember those funny things they used to do (like drooling in the midst of a patting session). Almost three years later, my mom and I still mention Woody every now and then. But the thing is, we don't only remember the good things about him but also his quirky traits. We remember the things about him that maybe weren't perfect but that we loved nonetheless.

It's been almost three years since Woody left us, and I still think about him. I was ready to adopt another cat sooner than I did, but take your time. Everyone is different. Give yourself some time to grieve your loss and know that you can always give another kitty a loving home in the future.

Cat Adoption

Since the process of cat adoption is still fresh on my mind, I want to share my experiences and a resource I took advantage of.

When I became serious about adopting a cat, I discovered the website Petfinder. You can perform detailed searches based on age (Baby, Young, Adult, Senior), breed, gender, and even size. This website is an absolutely great resource if you'd like to know what cats are available for adoption ahead of time. When you perform a search, all the cats in shelters in your area that are connected to Petfinder will show up.

I mostly used Petfinder as a way of finding shelters in my area. My problem is that I fall in love with most of the kitties I meet and feel bad for every single kitty that is in a shelter right now. I'm glad they are not out on the streets, but at the same time, no kitty should be confined to a little cage. I know most shelters take wonderful care of the animals, but still. I wish every kitty had the home they deserve.

When I first discovered Petfinder, I made the mistake of doing search after search and reading about as many cats as I possibly could. I ended up falling in love with many of them just from their picture and description. I e-mailed a shelter to see if one cat in particular was still there, and I got a reply that he had already been adopted.

Finally, I decided to pick a shelter and go there. The truth is that you just don't know what cat is perfect for you until you meet them in person. Also, there are some cats that aren't listed on shelter's websites and therefore, are not connected to Petfinder.

This was the case with the cat I eventually adopted, who was an older kitten at sixteen weeks. He wasn't on the shelter's website because he was still a kitten, but I think he had a difficult time getting adopted because he's a black cat and was in isolation for a week due to a kitty cold. I noticed every single older kitten that hadn't been adopted at that shelter was black; they seem to be less likely to get adopted. Also, the fact that he could have upper respiratory problems may have turned others off. I scooped him up, and he is doing just fine a month later.

My advice is to pick a shelter in your area and go. If you fall in love with one of the kitties, think on it for a day or two. Visit them again to make sure you are certain and then do it. I fell in love with Duncan as soon as I held him. I knew if I had continued looking at other shelters, I would end up falling in love with even more cats. And then, no matter who I chose, I would feel guilty or regret the cat I didn't adopt. If you don't fall in love with any of the kitties, then you can always go to another shelter.

But when it comes to cat adoption, I'm just not the kind of that has it in me to shop around. Once I fall in love with a cat, that's it; I gotta have them.

Cats For Your Health

I read an article a few months ago (where--I don't remember) about a research study done over a period of time with some participants who had cats, dogs, or even fish in their household and others that did not. I don't remember the specifics, but the results suggested that pets are good for our health. This is no surprise to me—we don't need researchers to tell us how happy our animals make us. And isn't happiness one of the best things for our health?

I've been thinking over the past few days--what is it about our animals that make us so happy? Here's my list so far. Please add to it!

1. Waiting at the Door—No matter how long of a day I’ve had, there is nothing better than coming home to a kitty. Recently, Duncan had a kitty play date with my neighbor’s cats. She said, “I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have cats to come home to.” It’s so true. Duncan gives me something to look forward to all day.

2. They Remind Us to “Slow Down!”—Sometimes I feel like I’m always on the go, and there is always something I need to accomplish. It’s not always easy to slow down and enjoy a minute here and there. But my cat helps me do this. When he’s sitting on his favorite cushion, simply enjoying the peace and quiet, this reminds me I can do that, too! I can have fun doing nothing, sometimes.

3. Your Unique Kitty—No two kitties are exactly the same. There is always at least one thing about a cat that stands out and is different from other cats. My childhood cat’s famous trait was that he drooled in the midst of a patting session. Duncan plays fetch…like a dog, but only with his special mice (and not the twenty other mice we have purchased for him). What is your kitty’s unique trait or talent?

4. They Make Us Laugh—Whether they are jumping ten feet in the air to catch the dangling toy or rolling on their backs with their bent paws in the air, you can’t help but crack a smile. My cat sometimes leaves his tongue hanging out his mouth just a tiny bit; this gets me every time.

5. Kitty Love—Cats are not just our pets, they become part of the family. We spend so much time with our cats that they become our friend and companion. You feel like you know them,and they know you.

Tips for your Cat Budget

Ricky and I had wanted to adopt a cat for a long time, so we were prepared for the ultimate dent in our bank accounts--adoption fees, food, litter, accessories, toys, vet visits. All these things add up fast. Though you wouldn't trade your cat for anything, it can be frustrating when you're on a budget.

Since I love saving pennies anywhere I can, here's some ideas for spending less and still treating your kitty to all he or she deserves.

1. Shop Around for Vets

When you're looking for a vet, it's easy enough to go on-line or flip open a telephone book and call the first one you find. Instead, write down the names and numbers of a few. Call all the vets on your list and ask how much they charge for a check-up. If you want to make sure the vet has a good reputation, type their name into Google and you'll probably find customer reviews.

Recently, I did this myself. I knew the vet my mom used for my childhood cat would be more expensive because of the affluent town it's in. Instead of touching my savings account, I shopped around. One place I called charges $78 for a check-up, not including shots or any extras. It's located in the same affluent town as the vet my mom used to go to, so I wasn't surprised. Another place in the next town over charges $42. I researched the second vet on the Internet, discovered they have a good reputation, and called them back to schedule a check-up.

2. Shelter Helpers

This relates to the first tip--pay attention to all the paperwork you receive from the shelter you adopt your cat from. If you're adopting a kitten, they might help you with or cover the spaying/neutering fee completely. If your cat has already been spayed/neutered, the shelter might cover your cat's first check-up. Usually you just have to go to one of the vets they are connected with, in which case they'll let you know. At our first vet visit, I made an appointment for Duncan to get neutered. The woman who scheduled the appointment at the vet told me so long as I bring the slip of paper I received from the shelter, there will be no charge for the visit. So make sure you hang on to all that paperwork!

3. Smart Shopping

Practically every supermarket I've been to has a section devoted to pets. They usually stock food, toys, and litter. Although it's sometimes more convenient to pick up kitty stuff while you're food shopping, it's not always the most budget friendly. I've noticed pet stuff tends to be much more pricey at supermarkets than at places like Walmart or even Target. It can really pay off to shop around. Also, buying food and litter in bulk is often cheaper.

If you can avoid pet specialty stores--do it. Pet specialty stores are great for very specialized pet accessories or that very pricey pet food that you can't find at the supermarket. These stores are fun to visit once in awhile because you get to browse through an entire store full of pet stuff. The only problem with speciality stores is they are expensive. Don't get me wrong, I visit stores like Petco and Petsmart for certain things; it's fun to kitty splurge once in a while. But if I know exactly what I need, and I know I can get it at Walmart, I go to Walmart. It can be worthwhile to sign up for specialty stores' member cards because sometimes you'll find a good sale.

Also, don't rule out the dollar store near you. The one near me has an aisle devoted to pets, which is where I purchased food and water dishes with cute designs for $1 a piece. You can't go wrong there.

4. Indoor Cats

Indoor cats live longer than outdoor cats and are not exposed to many of the diseases and health problems that outdoor cats are exposed to. Although indoor cats are not immune to health problems, it's likely they will have fewer health problems than if they were an outdoor cat. Although this is a long term tip for your cat budget, it could save you thousands of dollars in vet bills and medications to keep your cat indoors.

It can be tempting to let your cat out, but beware--once they get a taste of the outdoors, they could be running for the door every time you open it. Make it easier on yourself and don't let them out. Most indoor cats don't know what they're missing and are contented just watching the birds and squirrels from a window.



I hope these tips help you with your cat shopping on a budget. Let me know if you have any ideas for stretching that dollar a little further. I'll post more ideas soon!