Sentimentality and Grieving the Loss of Your Pet

Last semester I took a poetry class in which we discussed the meaning of sentimentality--not seeing something for what it really is, or not acknowledging all aspects of something (like the positive AND the negative). Not one thing in this world is only one thing--it is never only this or only that. All things are multi-faceted, and we would be sentimentalizing something if we failed to recognize this. The example my poetry professor gave my class was that she loves children, but she would be sentimentalizing children if she were to say that they are always wonderful and do no wrong.

I remember my professor saying it is incredibly challenging to write a poem about children or animals without being sentimental. In the case of animals, we might place too much value on them or speak of them as though they are humans. Maybe it has become cliché to write about our pets (even if we do acknowledge the negative), but either way, I don't think we are placing too much value on them.

The issue of sentimentality and animals makes me think of my childhood cat, Woody. When my family decided to put him to sleep so he would no longer be in pain, some might say I acted sentimentally. (I cried the entire day). But when we lose our pet, it is like losing a family member or close friend because that is what they become to us. And I don't think there is anything sentimental or un-acknowledging about that.

I grew up with Woody; he was with my family since I was six--so when he was gone, it was strange and sad. It just seemed wrong for him not to be laying in his favorite rocking chair in the family room watching TV with us. I felt like I had lost my best friend. Throughout my teenage years, no matter what dramatic thing was going on in my life, I always had him to come home to.


Since I remember what it's like to lose a cat, I wanted to share these ideas for dealing with the loss of your pet:

1. Write a Letter--When I lost Woody, I remember feeling like he somehow knew how much my family loved him. But it can help to get all your thoughts onto paper, to tell your animal how much they mean to you. Don't feel silly; it's a great way to get it all out and feel closure.

2. Let Yourself Feel--Everyone deals with a loss in a different way. Don't stop yourself from feeling whatever you feel. It's not stupid to cry or feel sad.

3. Remind Yourself of the Good Things--As time goes on, every time you begin to feel upset about your loss, remind yourself that you gave your kitty a good home. If you had never adopted your cat and brought him or her into your home, there's a possibility they never would have found a forever home. Appreciate the time you got to share with them.

4. Remember Your Kitty--Don't be afraid to talk about your kitty once in a while, or remember those funny things they used to do (like drooling in the midst of a patting session). Almost three years later, my mom and I still mention Woody every now and then. But the thing is, we don't only remember the good things about him but also his quirky traits. We remember the things about him that maybe weren't perfect but that we loved nonetheless.

It's been almost three years since Woody left us, and I still think about him. I was ready to adopt another cat sooner than I did, but take your time. Everyone is different. Give yourself some time to grieve your loss and know that you can always give another kitty a loving home in the future.

Cat Adoption

Since the process of cat adoption is still fresh on my mind, I want to share my experiences and a resource I took advantage of.

When I became serious about adopting a cat, I discovered the website Petfinder. You can perform detailed searches based on age (Baby, Young, Adult, Senior), breed, gender, and even size. This website is an absolutely great resource if you'd like to know what cats are available for adoption ahead of time. When you perform a search, all the cats in shelters in your area that are connected to Petfinder will show up.

I mostly used Petfinder as a way of finding shelters in my area. My problem is that I fall in love with most of the kitties I meet and feel bad for every single kitty that is in a shelter right now. I'm glad they are not out on the streets, but at the same time, no kitty should be confined to a little cage. I know most shelters take wonderful care of the animals, but still. I wish every kitty had the home they deserve.

When I first discovered Petfinder, I made the mistake of doing search after search and reading about as many cats as I possibly could. I ended up falling in love with many of them just from their picture and description. I e-mailed a shelter to see if one cat in particular was still there, and I got a reply that he had already been adopted.

Finally, I decided to pick a shelter and go there. The truth is that you just don't know what cat is perfect for you until you meet them in person. Also, there are some cats that aren't listed on shelter's websites and therefore, are not connected to Petfinder.

This was the case with the cat I eventually adopted, who was an older kitten at sixteen weeks. He wasn't on the shelter's website because he was still a kitten, but I think he had a difficult time getting adopted because he's a black cat and was in isolation for a week due to a kitty cold. I noticed every single older kitten that hadn't been adopted at that shelter was black; they seem to be less likely to get adopted. Also, the fact that he could have upper respiratory problems may have turned others off. I scooped him up, and he is doing just fine a month later.

My advice is to pick a shelter in your area and go. If you fall in love with one of the kitties, think on it for a day or two. Visit them again to make sure you are certain and then do it. I fell in love with Duncan as soon as I held him. I knew if I had continued looking at other shelters, I would end up falling in love with even more cats. And then, no matter who I chose, I would feel guilty or regret the cat I didn't adopt. If you don't fall in love with any of the kitties, then you can always go to another shelter.

But when it comes to cat adoption, I'm just not the kind of that has it in me to shop around. Once I fall in love with a cat, that's it; I gotta have them.